Gay Erotic Stories

My cousin, James, he was a rounder. He was always chasing after some married woman or getting picked up for drunk and disorderly, some kind of trouble. He was a few years older than me and we never were close or nothing, just politely acknowledged our family connection and not that out in public. I guess I was an embarrassment to him, me being the butt of so many local jokes. All my life I’d been singled out as the sissy, the queer one. Not like I’d been involved in any real scandal or nothing, hell. Just folk’s way, pointing me out as the odd ball, the funny guy. I didn’t like it much, shit. But what could I do? I learned to live with it, I guess. You learn to live with most any kind of disfigurement or disability, why not learn to live with being a joke of a man? Biggest problem it caused was not having any close friend to talk to, to … you know, be with? I didn’t figure myself as a loner but nobody wanted to be my friend when that would surely make them a tag line to the jokes, right?

Mike Conners, down at the service station? He didn’t really want to hire me, that was right plain as the nose on your face. Just, well, nobody else applied for the job. He needed somebody to work at the station so he could get away without closing up the place every time he needed to run to the bank or pick up his wife at the doctor’s office, stuff like that. Anyway, the station did a right nice business from the interstate and it was about more work than he wanted to handle all by himself, see? Anyway, I’m there at the station around seven thirty one weekday night and ol’ James came in for some gas. Mike already went home for supper and he’d stay home until closing time unless I called him for help. That time of an evening thing got quiet and slowed down, anyway.

James filled up his tank and came on inside and grabbed a beer from the cooler and popped the top off as he came up to the counter. “Howdy Paul.” He was counting out his money.

“Hey James; how you doing?”

“Fine, fine. Here you go, ten and fifty five, right?”

“Tha’s right, thanks.”

James was looking around, leaned back on the counter top, and didn’t seem in any hurry. “Where’s Mike?”

“Oh, he went home for supper. He’ll be back at ten to help me close up.”

“He just leaves you in charge huh? You must be doing pretty good!”

“Yeah, seems like I’m doing pretty good. I kind of like it, anyway. Best job I ever had. Get to meet a lot of folks … friendly folks, you know? People from all over; out of state and everything. We get a lot of people from up in the city, too.”

“Yeah? Guess you’d like that. I never liked city folks much. I’m just a plain old country boy!” He took another drink of his beer and watched me. “Always figured you’d go off to the city, didn’t never think you’d settle down around here.”

“Me? Shit. I wouldn’t know how to act up there. Don’t know nobody at all in the city.” I avoided his eyes. Not like I hadn’t thought about it plenty of times … moving away, starting again where nobody called me names and grinned whenever I passed.

“Yeah. You’d do better in the city, Paul. You ought to think about it.”

“Well, gotta look after Momma, you know. I donno, James. I feel like this is my home, I’m used to it, I guess.”

“Still, must get to you, sometimes? I mean … this place ain’t always been good to you, has it. Me, I figured you’d take off right out of school. Head up to Atlanta or Birmingham … somewhere big and … you know, somewhere you fit in better.” He leaned his arms down on the counter, hunched over his elbows and watched me with a deeper concern than I’d ever seen in him. Really nice, that he’d care at all what I did. He finally dropped his intense look. “Fuck it. I’d run off if I was you. Got to admit, I ain’t got the balls to stay around and take that shit … Don’t know how you stand it.”

Funny, I’d never talked to anybody about it. Never thought I could, you know? Least of all, sure never thought I’d be talking to James about it.

“Hey, it ain’t that … I don’t figure I got a lot of balls.” I chuckled at the very idea. “Just … well, I’m afraid of moving, maybe …. Afraid I’d be all alone and not even know anybody. I don’t care if people laugh at me, James … I can be lonely here or lonely up in the city … least I got momma down here, and family … it’s not all bad.”

“Yeah? You got, what? How many friends?” He shook his head, “I don’t understand it, man. At least up in the city you could go to some of them gay bars, meet some other guys and maybe have some fun … Oh, you got some guy here in town, right? Who is it?” He looked back at me, peered closely at my eyes. “Is it Wendell McCallister? Is he your … you know…”

“No! God, James. Would I…? Wendell? Come on, he’s three hundred pounds …” I couldn’t believe he thought me and Wendell …

“Well, who, then? That librarian guy? What’s his name?”

“Albert Scruggs? Jesus, he’s seventy five years old, James! No way! Stop it, nobody, okay?”

“Hell, gotta be somebody.” He got a real disgusted look on his face, “Not Mike, is it?”

“Come on! You know how stupid that sounds? Nobody, I told you!”

Uh-uh. Gotta be somebody around here. I’ve wondered about it a lot. Come on, tell me. I won’t tell nobody, I swear. You stay around here for a reason and …” he watched my face, a look of disbelief screwed his brows up in high curves. “Nobody? Ever?”

“No. Nobody, James. But don’t tell anybody that, either! I’d really look like a fool, huh? The town faggot and I’m still a virgin? That would be the joke of the century.”

“You’re kidding me, right? Everybody thinks you and Wendell …”

“Everybody is wrong! Wendell isn’t even gay, James! He’s just shy … being so damn fat, you know? He’s just shy and quiet but he’s not gay, not at all. Matter of fact, he’s always had a crush on Marge Towers but he won’t talk to her or nothing …”

“Well, I’ll be damned! You a virgin? You never did nothing? Wait, what about that kid … that Bobby Wilkins, didn’t you and him used to hang out together?”

“Well, back in school, yeah … but we didn’t do nothing … not like that … “

“He was the one that English teacher got fired about, right?”

“Mister Vickery, yeah.”

“Was him and Vickery really doing it or what?”

“I donno, I never asked him. Only thing we talked about was movies and books and stuff. They moved away when it happened, when the shit hit the fan, remember? I heard somebody caught them in the basement, but I never really heard what they were doing. Hell, I don’t know any better than you.”

“Aw, shit, Paul! What are you? Twenty-four, twenty-five years old? And you telling me you never got it on with anybody? Never did nothing?”

I shrugged, flushed with a small blush. “Damn shame, ain’t it? I got this reputation but …”

“But what? You saying you never was gay? That’s … that’s too much, man …”

“No. I ain’t saying that …”

“But if you never did nothing then how … why? … Wait a minute …maybe you really ain’t gay, man. Ever think about it? Could be you just need to get laid, learn what it’s all about.”

“You think so, James? I just need to get laid then I’ll suddenly like baseball and I won’t like cooking anymore? Get me some pussy and then I’ll stop walking funny … that what you think, James?” I couldn’t help but grin at him, the silly redneck.

He had the grace to blush. “Well, never know … might change your point of view.” But he didn’t give it much emphasis; he let his voice run down.

“Kinda doubt it, cousin. I’ve known what I am since I was about eight years old. I never dreamed about a girl, James. Never understood why guys put up with them! When I look at a Playboy fold out it don’t turn me on, okay?”

“Don’t mean you’re … uh, like that! … Maybe …”

“But I DO get turned on by the naked men in Playgirl. So? Does that mean anything?” I laughed.

He broke a small grin, gave up his argument. “Yeah. Guess that’s a dead give away.” He sipped at his beer while studying me. “So why didn’t you ever do nothing? If it’s what you wanted, well, why not just do it?”

“With who? I never had a friend like that, James … Hell, I never even had a close friend until I met Wendell and I wouldn’t suck his dick if he begged me! Come on, man… a few guys have come through here, buying gas, and I could tell … you know … but what am I suppose to do? Wear a tee shirt with a big rainbow on it?”

“All you got to do is act friendly, talk to ‘em a little … Gay men are all right. I’ve met a few up in the bars in Birmingham. You just smile at ‘em and they fall all over you! Hell, ain’t nowhere near hard as picking up a girl!”

“What bars? When …? You really talked to gay men? Real gay men?”

“See? What are you? A fake gay man? I’m talking to you, ain’t I? That’s what I been telling you … you got to go up to the city sometime, see what it’s like when you get away from down here. It’s a different world, man!” He leaned over the counter, then, shook a finger right in my face. “Tell you what I’m gonna do, Paul … I’m gonna take you to Birmingham and show you a thing or two. Stands to reason you never gonna make it by yourself, scared of your own damn shadow … Got no idea how you’re wasting your life!”

I grabbed his hand, shoved his finger out of my face but laughed. “You’ll never do it, James. Nice to think about but you’d be embarrassed as hell, I know you too well! You just talking ...”

“Shit!” He cut me off and made a mock slap at my cheek. “I said, didn’t I? We gonna do it, man! When you off next? I can show you a whole new world, bubba, gonna change your life, I swear! Just wait ‘till you see …”

“Okay, okay …. How much do you need? Fifty? A hundred? You hustling me, James Reno, I can always tell …”

“Fuck you, Pauly!” He paused, grinned. “You can pay for the gas, right? Maybe cover us a few drinks? A room to stay in?”

“Yeah, I can do that … For real, Jimmy? Don’t’ build me up, okay?” I tried to keep him serious but he was already doing his excitable laugh, spinning out on the idea. So like him, always after some laughs and loud music, flashing lights and excitement.

Friday came and he actually showed up. That’s when I started to believe it. Three thirty and he was still in his work clothes, his truck grimed with mud and dirt.

“You going like that? Don’t you want a shower or …” I grimaced my distaste at his rank smell.

“Well, yeah, sure … figured I’d shower here, save me the trip back down to Coaldale. I got some clothes …” He raised his hand, showing off a black garbage bag with lumpy contents.

“Oh. Sure, okay … come on in …”

“Save time, right? I like to make the drive up before it gets dark, check in somewhere and catch a nap … clubs don’t really get jumping until around eleven or twelve, anyway … not the ones I want to show you …”

“Where do you stay? A hotel or …” I imagined slick, classy urban digs.

“Hell, where you think? Best Western, Motel Six … Not one of them cheap dives with bugs and shit …”

“Oh, yeah, that’s okay …” I was relieved at some idea of a familiar spot, a not so foreign destination, still my belly was jumpy. I followed James into the back.

“Where’s your mom?” He opened the refrigerator.

“A church thing, some sort of …”

“No beer? Shit, I should have known. Don’t know why I even looked … “

“Oh, in my room … I got my own ice box, one of those little ones … come on.”

He tossed his bag on my bed and began kicking off his shoes while I got us a beer. “Nice little place you got back here … Used to be the garage, right?”

“Yeah … We did some remodeling with Dad’s insurance money.”

“Real nice set up. I see why you don’t move out, you already got a little apartment of your own.” Looking around, he stripped off his shirt. I held a beer out towards him. “Just a second, let me …” he stepped out of his pants, shoved his drawers down and kicked them off. “Thanks,” he muttered, took the beer and turned it up to swallow about half in one gulp.

Okay, yeah … I was shocked and amazed. Remember? I’d never seen a real live naked man in my whole life, okay? Well, not since the boys in gym class, but never in my own room, close and private like? So my mouth was hanging open and my face got hot as my crotch. My fly was suddenly too tight and feeling damp.

James sighed after his long pull and found my face. He laughed, looked down at my pants, pointed, “Okay, maybe you really are gay!”

“Was that a test? You did that on purpose, didn’t you?” I grinned, a little embarrassed but not much. This was only James, after all.

“What? Took off my clothes on purpose? Yeah, I guess I did. I usually take off my clothes before I shower …”

“You know what I mean; you did it right in front of me, like putting on a show for me, didn’t you?” I let my gaze go right where I wanted to look, he wanted to act like that, why should I complain?

“I was kinda curious about how you’d act, yeah … maybe I was teasing you a little … but, Pauly, you got to get over it, okay? You ain’t a little kid! Go ahead, look at my dick all you want … Maybe next time you see one you wont go all bug eyed and slobber on your chin!” He punched my shoulder. “Let me get a shower and you can play with it if you want, Okay?” He laughed, again. It was all a joke to him. I watched his butt as he sauntered off into the bathroom. Nice butt. Nice dick, too. He could be one of those models on the web, an amateur site, maybe. Not exactly pretty and slick and buffed out, but pretty damn nice.

“Where’s the towels?” He bellowed. ...................................................

I stuffed a change of clothes into a gym bag, added the extra pair of socks and shorts James probably forgot, checked my wallet. We were pulling up the freeway ramp before four o’clock, two hours to Birmingham.

I held it back as long as I could, tried to put it out of my mind, finally … “You were teasing me, right? About playing with it? Your dick?” I glanced out my window, couldn’t look at his face.

He turned the radio down before he spoke. He was thinking what to say and I wished I’d not asked. “Teasing? No, I don’t think so. Not baiting you or nothing. I been thinking about what you told me, about never doing nothing … Thinking I should tell you … well, guess I’m about to, huh? Thinking I should tell you I messed around with other guys a few times, okay? It’s no big deal, Pauly! I ain’t even gay, okay? Just … well, I’m kind of open to most anything, I guess … you could have played with my dick anytime these many years, buddy.” He glanced over at me; I was watching his face, now. “Just you always seemed to keep your eyes on the ground, yourself to yourself … You put up these walls around you … only the other night at the station, well, I got a glimpse inside … you know? Be alright, yeah, to be the first one … You should do it first time with somebody that knows you, right? Break the ice easy … scares you, don’t it? All that sex stuff …?” He flicked his eyes at me, really interested.

“Yeah, scares the shit out of me. You don’t know, James … can’t possibly know what it means just to talk to you about it. I never talked about it, not to anybody … it’s always been private, like a secret …”

“Not too damn secret!” He grinned. “Hell, nobody in town would be surprised if you showed up in a dress and high heels!”

“That’s always pissed me off, too, you know? They judge me and they don’t even know me …”

“Get over that, buddy … same for anybody. Small town, small minds. Not like they’re perfect, you know? Just a game they play, acting all Good Christians... They all just human, no saints in our town, bud. Who cares, though? Who the fuck cares what the local biddies talk about or who they disapprove? Their opinion don’t matter unless it matters to you. Right? Just let that shit go.”

“Who did you do it with? … come on, tell me!” I added when he gave me an ugly frown.

“Here in town? People you know? That would be like gossip, right? Not right to talk about it. Guys always promise not to tell nobody, swear it, right?” He grinned.

“I wouldn’t know, would I? You brought it up, now you’re holding back … one man, okay? Just tell me one man so I can think about it … tell me your first time, how about that?”

“Oh, okay … that’s easy … He’s dead, now. Did you ever know Earl Green? He used to come to our house courting my sister …? Anyway, he drove up from Mobile and Daddy let him spend the night when he came, put him in my bed with me and we’d always mess around …”

“Tall man, reddish hair? I remember he came to church with ya’ll a few times …”

“Yeah, His bush was bright orange, man! Looked like it glowed in the dark! Orange hair on his legs and everything, freckles all over his back …Funny looking guy but he was pretty cool, told the dirtiest jokes you ever heard!” His expression softened, he enjoyed the memory.

“Did he blow you or what?”

“Earl? Nawh, we just messed around … rubbing together, jerking off... Like that, nothing real gay.”

“So, rubbing dicks, jerking off together … that’s not gay?” I grinned.

“Well, hell no, Paul. That’s just kid stuff. All boys do that shit.”

“Really? News to me … “

“Serious, man! Hell, we used to have jerk off sessions on the bus coming home from football games, the whole fucking team, man! Used to go fishing with the Grolier brothers. They sure ain’t gay! But we always ended up wrestling around and getting hard and jerking off … That stuff ain’t really gay, take my word for it. Ain’t none of them guys dressing up in lipstick and parading around …”

“You think gay just means drag queens? That’s not …”

“Nawh, shit, Paul … why you make it so complicated? I just mean …”

“Me? I’m sorry; I thought it was you making it out more than simply straight and gay.” I didn’t mean to get tense but my voice was tight.

“Don’t, just don’t, okay? Don’t try and tell me I’m gay, too. That’s all of that shit! I’ll be damned if I tell you another fucking thing.”

“I wasn’t saying you’re gay, James …” I sighed, exasperated with his sudden defense. “I was just trying to get it clear in my mind what you think of as gay and what is okay, normal, that’s all.”

“See, all gay men get around to that … you guys think we’re all gay and some of us are just hiding it under our hat … but it’s not true, okay. Just because I messed around a few times don’t make me gay. Never should have told you, dammit …”

“But... Please, James … Listen … telling me about it is the nicest thing anybody ever gave me, okay? You can’t imagine how I’m still reeling inside … just the shock of it … it’s got me flipping out. Don’t get mad at me, not now … please?” I leaned closer; he kept his face to the windshield. I put my hand on his thigh, trying to communicate closeness, a warmth. “Please?” I massaged and squeezed his leg. He glanced down at my hand.

“Now, see? That’s gay. No straight guy would ever do that … it’s like, too personal or something …” His grin came slow but it was forgiving and eventually it opened up to a real smile. “Pat you on the ass, maybe, but never squeeze your leg so close to your dick!” He laughed.

I was happy. I retreated into my corner of the seat.

“You didn’t have to stop … I didn’t tell you to stop! It was just beginning to feel good!”

“Why do I get the feeling this whole trip is just to get me to play with your dick?” I laughed but under there was a serious question. He took the joke.

“Hell, I like anybody to play with my dick, don’t take it personal or nothing.”

“So, did you ever let a man blow you?”

“Huh? Come on, I ain’t telling you no more …”

“Oh, you didn’t say No so I guess you did. Right?” I teased him, playful.

“Well, maybe a few … I never blowed nobody, though … Never, okay?”

“And you probably fucked a few guys, too?”

“My point was I’ve been around, tried a few things … know a little about the world … I didn’t mean to start a confession or nothing!”

“But just the top, right? You never bottomed?”

“Me? Hell no! … But even that … well, I knew some straight guys that did it, took it up the ass? It was like a test, taking the pain, like an endurance thing … marines … well …”

“Yeah, I’ve read about marines … that whole worship of the strong male image stuff …”

“It’s like that, yeah … we all wanted to be the biggest and strongest, the one who could do it all, take all the shit they could dish out … We took pride in that, sure. Better world if more …”

“Did you never think maybe there was something homoerotic about just joining the marines? Being in the marines? I always figured …”

“What’s that mean, huh? You whittling on that peg again? Every man is not gay, why try and build an issue out of a lie?”

“There you go again, putting words in my mouth … I didn’t say it was gay, I said the marines was a homoerotic group… like the football team you mentioned jerking off together or the boy scouts or a monastery … any man that joins an all male group and extols the virtues of masculinity must find great … I don’t know … pleasure? In being with other men, sharing their bond, their company … It’s a turn-on, see?”

“Oh, now the Boy Scouts is gay? Where you get this shit? You read too much, Paul, you really do. You got to get outside your head and get some real life … That’s all I’m saying.”

“Oh, yeah … That’s true … you’re absolutely right on that, James.” I swear, I kept all irony out of my voice. Not a trace, but I watched him drive, watched his easy slouch, his total comfortableness inside his male mind and body … and I knew, I just knew.

“Hey.” He looked over at me with his best bad-boy look. “Rest stop coming up. You gonna love this place, glory holes in every stall, I swear to god!” His grin went back to the windshield and faded … he slowed, pulled off and stopped the truck. He kept giving me short glances, a worried, anxious look.

“Well? What is it? What’s wrong?”

“This place … I shouldn’t have brought you here … It’s trashy, nasty, you know?”

“Don’t matter, I got to piss somewhere.”

“It’s just …” He reached out and touched my arm, his hand fell to my thigh, holding me back as I tried to swivel out the door. “This is no place for your first time, Pauly … It’s not …” A flush stole up his cheeks. “I hoped we …” He froze up.

I laid my hand over his, gave it a tender squeeze. “Yes James … me too. You’ll be my first, don’t doubt it.”

His grin was high wattage, all anxiety gone. “Great--nothing in there but a bunch of queers anyway. Come on, we’ll piss on them if we have to!” He burst out in guttural laughter as he climbed out. I got out thinking he might me be my first but he would certainly not my last.

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