Hey Mad Mitch! How’s it going, man? Sorry to hear about your wreck. I phoned my folks last night and they told me. Said the Camero is totaled! Shit, I know that’s hell. Just so glad to hear you’re alive and kicking! You lucky SOB. Be careful, will ya? Guess you’ll have to slow down with both legs broke!!! Brutal, man! Rest up, get well soon! Take it easy Bud, Joel (Lobo Joe) Yo Joe, Thanks for the note. Can’t believe you find time for ol’ racked up, slackers like me. No sweat, dude, I’m healing fast. Nurse Brad says I’ll be up and walking on crutches in a couple of weeks. Yeah, Camero wasted, but insured!!!! ALRIGHT! and my company , remember Amtek?, has great benefits. I’m drawing 80% just laying around, nice! Great to hear from you. My social life is now ZILCH. Like NOBODY comes around, you know? Lot of calls the first week, but everybody forgot poor me by now. Brad, my physical therapist, is all the company I get. He’s cool, reminds me of you, real funny and true asylum material. So how’s college? Haven’t heard from you since last fall. You don’t come home anymore? When you coming back? Come see me!!! Guess school eats up money but you can phone me collect, be great to hear your voice. Meantime, tell me all about coed dorms and sorority panty raids, I need fantasy material! write back SOON, or call collect! Legless wonder, Mitch. Hey Mitch: “legless”???? I only heard about TWO broke legs, I seem to remember you had a spare! hahaha Maybe you could use it for a walking cane? Sorry : ) , just had to go for the joke. I did get home the day after Christmas, just a two day stay and back to school. Wish I’d called you but I wasn’t sure you’d want to hear from me. Last I talked to you was when you was blind to all except Karen, didn’t know you guys had broke up till Mom told me. She says Karen is engaged to ol’Brawley? HUH? Me? Nope, no panty raids, man. Girls up here more likely to run jock strap raids. Ever heard of women’s lib? Invented right here in Boston! I’m not in a coed dorm, either. Sorry to disappoint you! I live in a cheap apartment with three other “good ol southern boys”. We have to stick together against the Yankee hostilities. School EATS ALL money! We don’t even have a phone. Just buying food breaks us. All of us have to go out and hustle up a few bucks anyway we can manage. Get this: I’m modeling NUDE for the life study class, because it pays ten bucks an hour! I also jockey the grill in a local burger joint. Randall, one of my roomies, works as a male dancer in a Stud Review, like Chippendale’s? No shit, we do anything to survive. Everything cost three times more than down home. Girls? Who’s got the money? Dates are not in the budget! There’s a high school girl at the burger joint who teases me with close rubs in the narrow space between counters, but that and my tight fist is all my entire love life! Randall (my roomie?) offers to give me a hand with it! hahaha, I’ve “resisted” so far! Hey, I’m writing this in class which is almost over, got to run. Civ II next and I have to take notes. These letters are fun, Mitch, like a touch of home! Thanks for writing, it means a lot. Heal fast! Your oldest (poorest) friend, Loyal Joe PS: how in the hell do you go to the bathroom? hahahah, curious Joe. Bro Joe, You’re right about the third leg, it stays “cane” stiff all the time. Maybe I can walk with it, I’ll give it a try. Hell, I sure ain’t using it for nothing else! The Karen story is old news, thought you knew. She dumped me for the super nerd when I was still standing there saying, “Duh?” So, his dad owns a marketing company. He drives a Volvo. She went for the status. I’ll never be more than a tech, don’t want any more than a good time and a few laughs. I don’t think I’m marriage material, Joey. Your life sounds fun. No shame in being broke, builds character, right? hahaha or destroys moral obstacles, hahaha. YOU posing NUDE?? Now, that’s a real breakthrough for you! I well remember how you hated phys ed and avoided the shower crush. You were the only guy I ever spent the night with who wore sweat pants to bed! I NEVER saw you naked! Well, not since we were about 12, anyway. Remember Camp Wetongo? skinny dipping? I thought you had a cute butt. Did you catch me looking at it? Is that why you never let me see it again? I just can’t imagine you up there in front of strangers buck naked! Man, I’d give something to sit in on that class. What happens if you get a woody? (I’m curious, too!) By the way, going to the bathroom is a bitch! I HATE the damn bedpan! Brad brought over a portable potty that sits by my bed and he helps me get over on it. Much better! I don’t mind the jug I use to piss in laying down, but I’d much rather stand up like a man to pee. Let me tell you. I miss the small luxuries! I enjoy my massage therapy, though. Brad is very good at it! Every day he rubs me down before my bath, works all my unused muscles and keeps my circulation going. He does some kind of magic with his hands, wow. I used to wonder why guys would pay for a massage! Little did I know! You room with a male stripper? Gee, I’m impressed as hell! I always wanted to do that, no shit! I secretly watch the video tapes of that stuff, Karen left a couple over here. I can get off on the way the audience screams and worships those guys! I was always too skinny or I think I would have given it a shot. You have the body for it, why not get Randy to teach you? I bet you could earn more money flipping a pair of leather chaps than flipping burgers! Now that you’ve posed naked, it can’t be a big step to strutting and humping a mic stand. Damn, I’ve love to see you do it! Maybe Randy would teach you and help to get you some gigs if you would let him ... you know, give you that hand? Hey, we’re not little boys anymore, pal. We grow up, you know? I really miss you, Joe. But I’m happy you’re getting the education. I know how much it means to you. It’s worth living rough a few years. If I had the brains, I’d be right there beside you. Hell, you’re smarter than me, taller, better built ... why don’t I hate you? Because you was the best friend I ever had, ever will have. Don’t thank me for these letters, Joey, they mean the world to me. I read your words over and over. Even Brad notices when I’m cheered up. He sees me smiling he says I must have got another letter! You cheer me up when I’m down, thank YOU, my friend! Love ya, bro, Mitch Ps: ditch the pride, phone me collect!!!!! NOW! Hiya! My main (lame) man, Mitch, Look, don’t even start with who appreciates these letters more, okay? I didn’t realize how fucking depressed I was until I started to feel better from reading your letters. Every night, I read them over so I can go to sleep thinking about you and home and friends who care about me. It’s tough being around strangers who could care less if you dropped dead. I really haven’t made many friends up here, bro. Even two of the guys here in the apartment are pretty cold. Jeremy and Vic are kinda rough neck, both flunking out and pour all their money into beer. Randall is a pretty cool guy, even if he is gay. Believe it or not, he’s the best friend I have up here. We don’t go out together or anything. He goes to gay bars and hangs out in the red light district. I can’t feel at ease in that kind of atmosphere. I wish for a buddy to go fishing with, or to see a movie together, you know? But Randall is great for talking and getting to know. He’s from Miami, still has a deep tan and he’s got short, blond streaked hair and he works out with me, stays in good shape for his dancing. I might as well tell you, okay? I thought you might be shocked but I guess I underestimated you. I did let him “give me a hand”, and we even went a bit farther than that. Are you disgusted? Hell, I’m lonely, man! He gets lonely, too. He’s not involved with anybody personally. So sometimes we sleep in the same bed. We’re not “lovers”, or anything remotely like that, just two guys looking for warmth. Can you understand that? Tell me I’m not going loco, for sure. If you hate me, I’ll stop. Help me out, it bothers me sometimes. I need your blessings or something, okay? From some of the things you said about Nurse Brad, I got the feeling you might understand??? If you have more to tell, dammit, I wish you’d say it. Does the massage turn you on? Does he get you off? SHIT, I’m curious, yeah. But I really NEED to know. God, are we both discovering more than we want to admit? You want to see me pose nude? Anytime, Mitch, anytime! You’re right, I was always shy about showers and stuff. I was over sensitive, obsessed with my body and sex. I was always afraid I’d get a boner in the shower and embarrass myself. and you guessed right about posing, too. I’ve got a semi-hard a few times, with all those people looking at me. got a full bone hard-on one time, but I was laying on it, face down. Nobody gets stressed. I’ve seen other models get a hard-on, they just make a joke of it and go on. No big deal. When I was depressed, I didn’t have much trouble with it. Now that I’m getting your letters and feeling better, well, I’m getting horny more often, too. Randall noticed it. No complaints from him, of course! hahaha I would like to call you, Mitch, really! I’d love to hear your voice. It’s just, well, these letters seem to give us a freedom we never had face to face. Think about it. We never would have talked about this stuff without the letters to sort of shield us. It’s a shame, as good friends as we’ve been. But even now, I don’t know if I could say this stuff out loud. Writing it is sort of like thinking it, not really saying it. Understand? You were wrong on one point, Mitch. I never did see you checking out my “cute” butt. I thought I was the only boy in the universe who was looking around at the other guys. I didn’t know it was a natural thing to do. If you had only asked me to take off the sweat pants, I’d have been glad to. I’d have been happy to do more than that with you. Hey, you nailed it, man. Randy has been trying to get me to dance for the bucks. He says I could make a fortune! The posing was difficult to begin with, but I got used to it. I think I’ll be able to dance soon. Give me time. But you? Hell, you could do it, no sweat! I’ve seen you dance, you’re Damn good! Well, haven’t seen you dance in double leg casts. hahaha, but you’ll be back “on your feet” soon. If you’ve always wanted to do it, why not? Go for it, Mitch! Skinny? Not you! You have a great body! Yes, I’ve seen it! When I was hiding inside sweat pants, you slept in those little nylon bikinis. I LOOKED, okay? And you looked damn good. You have that little narrow ass that I’ll never have, no matter how much I work it. And if I’m smarter, how come it was always me copying off YOUR test paper, huh? hahaha Nope, don’t give me the “poor me” stuff, I just happen to envy you too much to feel sympathy! Shit, you was always the guy I wanted to be, confident and cocky and popular. You’ve already got a great job and a nice apartment, hell, I got nothing! Even if I get a diploma, I got no guarantee of success. You da man, dude! My hero. How’s the legs? Wasn’t you suppose to get up last week? did you try the crutches? How did it go? I worry, man, and I care. Share with me. Your ever lovin’ best ol’ bud and friend and pal, Joey forever My Best friend, Joey: How’s it hanging? Are you getting enough to eat? I’m worrying about YOU! Me? Hell yeah, I got up. Brad makes me walk, uses a cattle prod on me! I’m terrific, man. Thanks for asking. Left cast is coming off in two days, changing to a flex cast from the knee up. Right knee still not working right, may need another operation to smooth out the movement. But no pain, not so much to bother me, anyway. It’s great to get up and clunk around, get out on the back porch, sit in the den for TV, at the table for meals. Huge improvement from the bed ridden days! And I’m feeling SO much better. Now I can see improvement, it gets my hopes up. I wondered if I would ever be mobile, again. Brad is great, he keeps me going, pushes me when I think I’m finished up. Yes, there’s more to tell about Brad. I didn’t think you’d want to hear it. ALL my blessings on you and Randall!! Okay? Listen, Joey. Life is too short to skip over any happiness we can find. Warmth, sharing, touching and holding ... it’s how we survive. I’m glad you have somebody to give you what you need. What kind of friend would I be to tell you to tough it out in painful isolation? Hug him for me, tell him it’s from me! He’s giving you the up close and real friendship I wish I could be giving you. God, I miss you, Joey. When you say you’re lonely it hurts. I get lonely, too. I know what it feels like. Brad has helped me in lots of ways. He isn’t here to sleep with me on those bad empty nights, but he sure can make me forget about ‘em damn fast! After Karen, I felt pretty rejected and worthless. Then I drank too much. Your other room mates? I know how failure hurts. Drinking won’t help but it dulls the ache. When I woke up in that hospital all broke up and bent out of shape? Well, I kept wishing I hadn’t woke up, you know? It was Brad who cheered me up, telling me how sexy I looked with black eyes and bandages! hahaha He talks shit all the time. The first day he cleaned me up he kept telling me what a beautiful cock I had, how lucky I was it didn’t get hurt. Man, I needed his flattery and attention. I needed somebody to tell me that shit. You’d be shocked to see him. He’s not pretty as your Randy friend. Brad is about forty, short and skinny. He talks loud and raunchy and makes everybody laugh. He was only teasing me at first. When I got off the medication and got home that’s when it got serious. First time I got a hard-on from his massage, he joked about it but didn’t try to grab it or anything. Next time it happened, he didn’t laugh and I didn’t either. His massage got a whole lot more sensuous and I was practically begging him to touch me down there when he finally did. For a week or two, I just wanted him to please me, to get me off. I wasn’t thinking about giving him anything back. When I finally reached for him, it was more for me than for him. Now, we have a pretty much total sexual experience about three times a week. It’s wonderful, Joe. It’s not like loving Karen, it’s different. It’s not even like loving you, which I do. It’s not emotionally expensive, you know? It’s just hot sex with somebody you really like. Hey, that’s a good thing! So? Is it too much for you? We do a lot more than just jerking off each other, Joey. I know that’s about all you’re doing with Randall, so don’t feel like you’re getting fucking weird or something. Just more to life and love and sex than we knew as little boys. Everything is more complicated than we thought, isn’t it? Life has ups and downs, get over it, huh? Well, having a friend “at hand” sure helps smooth over the rough spots! Lots of kinds of love, bro. All are good and meaningful. Lust is like the drinking, it don’t do anything to cure the pain but it helps you forget. Someday our lives will be back in the same track. You’ll be back here, working and living among family and friends; and I’ll be running around (maybe dancing?) on two good legs. Our time will come, Joey. I’m looking forward to it. We’ll be the same ol’ friends as always, but more. We’ve both learned and we have more to share than we ever did before. I wish it could be right now, right this minute ... but it can’t. So, we get to savor the future for a while, something to look forward to. You meant that about how you would gladly drop your sweats for me? Shit, why didn’t I have the balls to ask you? Take care of yourself, man. and hurry home. Forever yours, Mitch Ps: so go dance!! love, M. .......................................................... Brinnng, Brinnngg “Hello?” “Mitch? Is that you?” “ Joey! God, it’s great to hear you! Every time the phone rings, I hope it’s you. Can’t believe you finally called. Why didn’t you call collect?” “’cause I’m here! We drove down last night, me and Randall. We slept away the morning but I just woke up and wanted to hear your voice. How you doing?” “I’m great, now that you’re here! You really in town? God, what a shock! Why didn’t you tell me, why ..” “Mitch, oh man. It’s so good to hear you! Listen. We finished up finals yesterday and just couldn’t wait. Jumped in the car about dark and drove all night. Randall is going to stay a day and a night to rest up, then he’s driving on down to Miami. He’s going back to Boston in the fall but I’m transferring down here to the university. I don’t want to go back, Mitch. I’m home to stay.” “What a rush! You really staying? You mean wishes actually do come true? hhahaah I think I just got healed! Hey, I’m dancing! When can I see you, Joey, when?” “That’s why I called. How about right now? Or, as soon as we eat all this stuff Mom cooked up and calls breakfast! She thinks I’ve lost weight. Hey, what time does Brad show up?” “He’ll be here about two, but I can call and cancel ...?” “No, don’t cancel! I’m dying to meet him and so’s Randall. Are we interrupting? You have a doctor’s appointment or anything?” “No. No. Get here soon as possible! Eat quick! I’ll feed you lunch, I bet you have lost weight! Damn, Joey, I can’t wait to see you.” “Mitch. Don’t start bawling, man, it’ll get me started! I can’t wait to see you, either. I’m busting at the heart seams! How’s your ribs? I might break a few with the hug I’ve got building up!” “Do me a favor, Joey?” “Anything, man, just ask!” “Wear some sweat pants?” comments to: Jackertoo@aol
